When I logged in to my account to start writing this blog post, I realized it’s been a full seven months since I last posted to my blog. That may be the longest stretch I’ve had between posts, and honestly I’ve fallen out of the habit of writing here. And yet for some reason I felt really compelled to write in this space today…and so here we are.
2024 has held its fair share of unexpected events for me. While there is so, so much I have to be immensely thankful for this year, there’s no denying it’s been really tough, too. As I reflect on 2024 as it comes to a close, I realize that the year feels like it’s ending on a strange note in some respects.
In the spring, Beautycounter (the clean beauty company I’d worked for as an independent consultant since 2017) disappeared overnight — and with it went the bulk of my income. Gone. It was incredibly jarring, to say the least. In the interest of brevity, I won’t go into it too much here (because it came with SO MANY thoughts and feelings for me that I continue to deal with on some level). I did document it pretty regularly over in Instagram, and created a highlight to house those updates. You can check those out here if you’re interested in a deeper dive on all of the Beautycounter stuff from my perspective.
Simultaneously, I was going through a health scare: A concern that I had breast cancer. Thankfully, everything turned out to be fine (SO GRATEFUL), but it took a mammogram, ultrasound, MRI, and sedated biopsy to get that “all clear” result.
That would have been stressful on its own, of course, but thanks to the job loss component, the financial implications of those scans and procedures felt extra heavy on top of everything else. (I’ll resist the urge here to rage type about healthcare costs, insurance, etc. in our country, but I will say this: For a country that talks about loving small businesses and entrepreneurs, they sure don’t show it when it comes to things like health insurance costs for the self-employed. Ugh.)
While navigating that health-related situation, I was working hard to be thoughtful about my next steps work-wise. Beautycounter wasn’t my only stream of income (thankfully), but it was by far my largest. Plus, it was so much more than just “a job.” It represented a business I had proudly built and poured into for years. It allowed me to play a role in helping others live healthier lives — and in advocating for industry-wide change to raise the bar for personal care safety across our whole country. It included a community of incredible women I got to work with in different capacities. Its business model allowed for lots of work flexibility that our family had come to count on.
I wanted to give myself space to first grieve the loss of Beautycounter (something really multifaceted) and to also explore my next steps with clear eyes and lots of intention.
One thing I was thankful to feel in a very real way during this time was that I missed the kind of work I was able to do at Beautycounter. Thanks to Beautycounter, I discovered that I LOVED sales (when I was promoting products I was passionate about and knew would benefit others, that is). It was work that brought together so many of my skills and interests — writing/communication, marketing, education, fostering community, mentoring and being mentored, personal development — and I realized I had another chapter of direct sales in me.
After vetting several brands — and feeling that “this is the one” feeling in my gut — I decided to become an Arbonne consultant in the late summer. Arbonne is a direct sales company that’s been around since 1980, and they have great skincare and body products as well as an incredible line of nutrition products. I was so excited to have a new way to help women look and feel their best without compromising on ingredients.
It was and continues to be a great fit…and it’s also been more of a rebuild than I could have imagined. It makes sense: This is a whole new business, not to mention a different category, and yet I have to admit it felt discouraging to be so “at the starting line” with a business again. I love working hard and don’t mind that element a bit, but often my feelings of optimism have been overshadowed with money-related concerns. This by no means is a “copy/paste” replacement of my Beautycounter business. That’s all okay and to be expected, but it’s come with its fair share of mindset work — and grit and determination — around it.
I’m thankful our family has been able to make it work for me to have this runway time with Arbonne, because I see the potential of what this business can be for me and for us…it’s just going to take some time to get there. My Beautycounter business also took time to build, it’s just that I was building that alongside a full-time income, so the financial pressure wasn’t there like it is this time around.
Beautycounter is coming back in 2025, although we don’t know when or in what form exactly. I do plan to re-align with the brand, because I still love the products and what the company stands for, but in this iteration I’ll be doing that in addition to working with Arbonne. I’m curious to see what that balance will look like — time will tell!
In addition to the work-related stuff, the parenting of our preschooler has felt especially tricky lately. I see so many traits in him that I know will serve him so well as he gets older (being internally motivated, for one), but in the moment they make him hard to parent. I just desperately want to be the mom he needs me to be, and sometimes fear I’m not. I really don’t want to have him feel like I’m clipping his wings…but also, sometimes I just need him to put his shoes on, ya know? Shew. I feel like I might want to look into some support for that in 2025 just to help mitigate some of the guilt and worry I feel by acquiring a few more Vance-specific parenting tools.
And then, after spending so much time and energy supporting Kamala’s campaign over the summer and fall, the election results were devastating last month. I’m still feeling the effects of my despair hangover a month later (as are so many, I know!). That felt like such a huge blow at the end of a year that had already felt pretty heavy.
I think I’m documenting all of this, in part, because I often treat this blog as a journal of sorts. It’s been a helpful way to both process thoughts and also to house them so I can come back later and see what’s transpired.
I’m also feeling pulled to write this, I think, because I’m ending the year on an open-ended note. When I picture 2025 and what it might look like, a lot feels fuzzy. Writing things down when I am very much in “the in between” always feels grounding to me.
And finally, I’m writing because I am a big believer in sharing some of what we’re going through to feel less alone and to help others feel the same way. I know I’m not the only one who’s had a year like this. After all, thousands of us were impacted by Beautycounter’s sudden departure, and although we dealt with that reality in different ways, we share many of the same feelings and experiences in its wake. There are so many who “get it” on a very real level.
I feel like I’m ending this post much like I feel like I’m ending the year: In that open-ended way I mentioned. I don’t feel like I can tie this one up with a neat bow, but also that feels right and real and much like life itself. And you know what? Maybe open ended is the perfect mindset for moving into a new year: Open to whatever may come, and hopeful that steps taken this year are leading me in exactly the right direction…even though I can’t quite make out the destination just yet.